Jeopardy Final Fantasy 7 style
by Arius Strider
Summary: Rated R for laguage. This is a gameshow Fanfic staring Vincent. Tifa, Sephiroth, and Cloud also appear in this episode. New idea of adding episodes, enjoy and don't forget to review. :-)
1. Episode 1

Disclaimer: None of the characters mentioned in this story are mine. But how cool if they were. They are the property of Squaresoft Inc. The little story made around the names is mine.   
  
  
Vincent: Welcome to Jeopardy I am your host Vincent Valentine. Today's guests are Tifa, Sephiroth, and Cloud.  
Cloud: I wanted to stand next to Tifa.  
Vincent: Tuff luck. Besides it appears that Tifa likes Sephiroth more than you.   
Sephiroth: Hehehe I stole your girl and your a failed experiment. This day could not get any better.  
Cloud: You want to go outside?  
Sephiroth: Why outside. You embarrassed to have your but kicked on TV?  
Vincent: That's enough. This is my show here. You will do as I say still you win, lose, or I kick you out. Know lets get the categories from left to right.  
  
Name that town/village, Things that start with "Seph", Things that end in "iroth", Useless Weapons, Name that Bitch, Materia, People that act cool but aren't.  
  
Vincent: Those are the seven categories and with that said and done lets see who goes first.   
*Everyone turns around and picks up a squirt gun and fires into a plastic head of Heidegger. The first person to burst there balloon was Tifa.*  
Vincent: Good so the lovely Tifa gets to go fist. *thinks to self*(I would let her go first any day)  
Tifa: I would like Name that town/village for 200 Vincent.  
Vincent: This town/village was destroyed by a Mako Reactor causing the town/village to set a blaze?  
*Sephiroth buzzes in first*  
*Sephiroth's counter counts down slowly till it hit the end.*  
Vincent: Hey Sephiroth why didn't you give an answer?  
Sephiroth: I never buzzed in.  
Vincent: Um yes you did  
Sephiroth: No I did not and if say again that I did I will have to kill you.  
Vincent:........ok. The correct answer was Coral. Well since Sephiroth buzzed in he may go next.  
Sephiroth: I'll take People that act cool but aren't for 500.  
Vincent: This character has a short temper that likes to hurt PPL?  
*Sephiroth buzzes in first*  
Sephiroth: What is........Sephiroth?  
Vincent: That is correct for 500 gil  
Sephiroth: Hey........that was mean.  
Vincent: What ever just pick again.  
Sephiroth: I'll take Materia for 200.  
Vincent: This Materia was created by LOADS of Mako energy merging together. Apparently this materia likes to glow a nice blood red. What is this Materia?  
*Tifa buzzes in this time*  
Sephiroth: Shit I was so close to getting first.  
Tifa: Hey shut up your wasting my time. What is Knights.....  
Vincent: Oh so sorry time ran out. The answer was Knights of the Round.  
Tifa: You bastard Sephiroth. You made me loose 200 gil.  
Sephiroth: I'm sorry. How about after the show you and me go back to my place?  
*Tifa's face glows red*  
Cloud: Hey you keep your darn hands off her. She is mine.  
Tifa: I never said I was yours. Besides Sephiroth is stronger and has a bigger sword.  
*Cloud goes crazy and losses his mind*  
Vincent: Were do we get these people from now a days? You know what. Forget it. Lets just go to Final Jeopardy. Ok this will be simple I want you to write down the name of the person next to you. Its not that hard I am sure you all can pull it off.  
*Funny music plays in the background as the players write down there answer.*  
Vincent: Ok time is up and since Sephiroth has the most gil He will go first. What was his answer?*Screen pops up showing his answer* Jenova? Were in hell would Jenova be when Tifa and Cloud are next to you?  
Sephiroth: I see dead people  
Vincent: Ok.... what did you wager? Aright its just a picture of a meteor hitting the planet. Well you lost for sure. Now how about Cloud. His answer was.*Screen pops up* A pic of Sephiroth hung and dripping blood with Tifa hung by her well we won't go there. That is wrong. What did you wager? A small stick figure with a arrow saying Cloud on it and a bunch of other stick people with breasts on them. All surrounding him. Damn that is so fucking wrong. I hate my job. Well I guess I have no choice but to ask what Tifa's answer is.*screen pops up* OMG She answered "Sephiroth." OMG She got something right. Well at least know we know that brown/black hair is her natural color. What did she wager? A phone number. Man I hate my job. Just to think I thought this day couldn't get any worse.  
Sephiroth: Hey I lost. I hat it when I loose. Its all your fault Cloud. *Pulls out sword and stabs him in the back.* There know go with that Ancient Bitch of yours  
  
The End  
  
Yea I know what ya think very very very weird and maybe even stupid to all of you. But I wrote this out of inspiration of Saturday Night Lives Celebrity Jeopardy. 


	2. Episode 2

Jeopardy - Un-canceled or canceled for good?

Episode 2

The sound of familiar music fills the studio, the crowd of people in the audience slapping their hands together. Their cheers loud and full of joy. It is once again a nice day in the Jeopardy Studio. Then, the crowd grows quiet, stepping out behind a door to the head stand was a tall man wearing a red coat. With a slight look of evil, his name is well known. Back once again as host of Jeopardy, Vincent Valentine. The crowd cheers again at his presence but then calm down as he raised his arm.

Vincent: Ladies, gentlemen, kids of all ages. I am Vincent Valentine, and host of this show. I am proud to announce the return of this show. We had a slight problem if you all remember on January 13, 2002. Sephiroth, loosing the game got quit pissed as did Cloud Strife. The show was then canceled due to the killings Sephiroth made. But I am happy to say that Sephiroth is no longer around, so the show came back. Hopefully, with the help of all you listeners/readers will enjoy this show, and help bring up the ratings/reviews. Now, to get the show on the road, I have three awaiting guests to bring out. Please put your hands together for Barret, Cid, and Yuffie.

The audience began cheering, as stepping out behind a curtain was Barret, a large black man with a gun grafted to his right arm. Following him was Cid, a tall white man with a cigarette always in his mouth. Last to follow was a young white girl named Yuffie. Always full of energy, she likes to steal materia. They all walked behind their own little stand with their names already on them.

Vincent: Welcome all of you. It is good to see you all again, and great to see you on my show. Thanks for coming.

Barret/Cid/Yuffie: You made us come.

Vincent raised his hand to his head and left out a little chuckle, then lowered his hand again and cleared his throat.

Vincent: Heh, have no clue what your talking about. But anyways, good to see you all though. Now the rules are simple. On the board will be seven categories. Then who ever goes first picks one of the categories and then how much they would like to wager. I will then ask the question for that price and after I finish the clock will start and at that time any of the three players are able to buzz in. If no one buzzes in in 15 seconds, then that question will not count and will be thrown away. The same player picks again. But, if someone does buzz in, then they have 5 seconds to answer in the form of a question. If they answer correctly then they get the amount of the questions worth, and they get to pick a new question. If they loose, then they loose that much, but get to pick. Its simple, I hope you all enjoy, now for the categories.

Behind Vincent a huge screen appeared made up of small little TVs that work together. Then, one by one the top row began to light up with words. Form left to right they read;

Name That Monster, High Powers, Who Am I?, Past or Present, Forgotten History, Famous Places, Name That Combo

Vincent: Alright those my friends are the seven categories. Before the show Cid won the rock, papers, scissors game. Please Cid, pick your categories and price.

Cid looked up at the board and thought for a few seconds and smiled.

Cid: I pick 'Forgotten History' for $100.00 gil.

Vincent: Alright, your question is. 'Long ago, Midgar once spent millions upon millions of gil for a program that failed several times, but soon never got to see the darkness of light. What was this program?

Cid buzzed in and lowered his head. Slowly his counter began to count down form 5.

Cid: What is... the space program...?

He answered with a 2 seconds on the clock.

Vincent: That is correct for $100.00 gil. Please, choose again.

Cid [$100.00]: Who am I for $100.00, no $200.00 gil.

Vincent: Aright then, Who am I for $200.00 gil. Your question is. I am old, but I am young. Delicate as a flower I lived and had something special taken away in the cold. I died, and entrusted my gift child. Who am I?

Despite pressing the clicker over and over, Barret was the first to buzz in.

Barret: Who is... Ifalna?

Vincent: That is correct for $200.00 gil. Your in the lead, you may choose.

Barret [$200.00]: Who am I for $300.00.

Vincent: Alright, your question is. I am strong and proud of my work. I have friends that work with me and are true to their work as much as I. We all have names, but go as one. Who, are we?

Barret buzzed in fast again and smirked as he did so. Cid glared over at him,, as once gian he was beat by a man with one hand.

Barret [$200.00]: Who are, the Turks?

Vincent: Wow, that is correct for $300.00 gil. You may Choose again.

Barret [$500.00]: Same for $400.00 gil.

Vincent: Alright, your question is. I am old but wise, live far where its hard to breath, I master what some would find foolish. If ever visited I grant a yellow gift. Just don't touch, or you get bit. Who am I?

Finally, buzzing in, Cid got his turn.

Cid [$100.00]: Ha, who is Chocobo Sage?

Vincent smiled at the performance and finally seeing the best out of his show. Then, a buzzer was heard.

Vincent: That is correct for $100.00 gil. And that buzzer means that is the end of round one and Barret and Cid are tied with $500.00 gil, and Yuffie last with $000.00 gil. We will return after a short break, and the prices will then go up.

[Intermission] Are you tired of days that go by and you look at yourself saying. "Man, I wish I looked better." Well then, I have the answer to your problem. For $100.00 gil an hour, for five hours a week you can look like this fellow here. *A before and after picture came up of a man that lost 150lbs.* Just call this number, 555-8999. We are open year round, 24 hours a day at the Wutai Pogo. [/Intermission]

Producer: Umm, hey Vincent, I just wanted to let you know that... we're back on... hello? Vincent you there? 

Vincent opened one eye and looked up at the producer and closed his eye again. He stood up and opened both eyes. Turning around he walked past the man and walked out onto the stage where the audience applauded him. He raised his hand and the whole crowd quieted down in an instant. Vincent stood behind his stand and looked over at the three guests.

Vincent: Welcome back everyone. Hope the intermission wasn't as boring as I thought it was. And since this is round two I thought with the little time we have we can get to know how guests better. Barret?

Barret [$500.00]: Names Barret. I have a last name, but you all do not need to know it. I'm middle aged, you do not need to know what my true age is. I am here just for the money, my daughter needs the money and I am thirsty. That's all you need to know of me, can we continue? This is wasting my time.

Vincent: Umm.. alright well it seems after the time the show was canceled, I still seem to be putting weird people on the show. Yuffie?

She did not answer, only stare at a spot on a wall. 

Vincent: Yuffie... hey Yuffie.. what the hell are you doing?

Barret looked over at her and tapped her on her shoulder. She screamed and slapped Barret across the face.

Yuffie: AHHH PERVERT!!

Vincent: Hey, calm down Yuffie, he was just trying to get your attention, you seemed..

Yuffie: I was asleep ok? This place is boring. *Yawns*

Vincent with what seemed to be a sweat drop form down his head and disappear sighed.

Vincent: With your eyes open?

Yuffie: Yea, got a problem with that?

Vincent: Umm... well you could at least try and act like you playing.

Yuffie: .. I guess.....

Vincent: Alright then let round two begin. The price for each question now raised a big time. Since Cid got the last question, he may choose.

Cid [$500.00]: Who am I for $1,000.00 gil

Vincent: Alright your question is. I am dead in the minds of everyone, alive in the heart of one. I freed a friend and we ran, to seek out job. Time came, I met a girl, time left, I was killed. Shot down, but my friend lived, who am I?

The three were thinking, slowly the time ticked by, and soon a buzzer was heard.

Vincent: I am sorry, time ran out. The answer was Zack. Please pick again.

There was soon another buzzer sound indicating the end of round two.

Vincent: What the hell...? Son of a bitch, would ya look at that.

Barret [$500.00]: Damnit, I knew we should not have talked.

Cid [$500.00]: What are you talking about, he never talked to me. For getting un-canceled he still is not good enough to host a show on his own, you should take up something else man. Give me my money and I will leave now.

Vincent: Well sorry we didn't talk to you, and sorry again, but you get your money unless you win. We don't work any other way. But I guess, since being canceled before the damn producers cut my time in half, bastards. So I have nothing else to say but I guess go into the final round. Ok, I'll give you a category, you wager what you think you can give thinking you might know the answer to the question. Then I ask the question and the winner gets what they wager, or loose what they wager if they answer wrong. The category is, Going To Hell. Make your wagers.

Music began to play, the audience was quiet, even during times when they are to cheer. The three wrote down their numbers and soon the music was over, and Vincent began to speak.

Vincent: Alright, the question is. Barret, Yuffie and Cid go to hell, Cid and Yuffie come back with one person each, Barret stays behind. The person that comes back with Yuffie runs free to only die again and go to hell. Barret came up back with no one. Who goes to hell?

The music was once again heard, the room was quiet, Vincent was worried, that after the long time they were canceled, that his show would once again be canceled due to lack of ratings/reviews. He has no ideas yet to make the show better. Finally the music was over, Vincent took in a deep breath remembering what happened last time on his first episode.

Vincent: Alright, we will start with Barret. What was your answer? 

His screen popped up showing his name, Yuffie's name, and Cids name. 

Vincent: Sorry that is wrong, what did you wager? 

The other half of the screen popped up showing all his money.

Vincent: Oh sorry, that means you leave with nothing. Cid, how about you, what did you say?

His screen popped up as Barret's did. His answer was the same, plus the two guys brought back. His wager was all his money.

Vincent: Oh, sorry, you too leave with nothing. And since Yuffie had no money, she can't wager any of it.

Yuffie: Hey, why not, I answered and gave a number.

Her screen popped up. She wagered $1,000.00 gil, and her answer was, The man brought back by Yuffie.

Vincent: What the hell? Wow, she paid attention to the question, I am amazed. And shocked none the less. Maybe I will see to it that you get the money, tho its against rules, but hell, the show might be canceled forever now. Listen Yuffie, stay after the show for your money, the rest of you may leave.

Barret snarled and walked off with no other words, Cid followed with a snarl just the same. Yuffie thought happily walked behind the stage to Vincent's room.

Vincent: Well everyone, thanks for coming to the re-opening and well sadly maybe the final episode. Listen everyone, if you have an ideas to keep the show alive, please let me know. Leave a message to me. I would like for this show to live, but maybe its missing something, I will accept any help. Tell me, what am I supposed to do? What do you, the audience/readers want? Help join me. I will allow the help of anyone, join me, and if anyone has any good ideas, I'll let them be the host of the show, you all know how to get in contact with me....

Vincent left everyone behind, watching him closely in the way back of the room, hidden by the many people in the stands a man eyes Vincent and tightens his fists tight. The man got up and turned around, his face never seen, but his hair, long a silver helps his name come to the light. Sephiroth. What was he doing at the show after what happened so long ago? Does he have something in mind? 


End file.
